"He's not the intergalactic space lord Earth deserves, but he's the one Earth needs right now. So we'll bow to him. Because he will kick ass. Because he'll do our dirty work. He's a supervillain battling a conscience. A low-budget Darth Vader with a heart. Our reluctant knight-errant.
He is Lord Buckethead."
Even as a child he dreamed of being an Evil Overlord. Unlike those squeaky-clean, goody two-shoes "career" superheroes who shall remain nameless, little Lord Bartholomew Buckethead didn't have the good fortune to grow up on one of the "nice" planets in the galaxy with all the privileges that most take for granted, little things, like toys, puppy dogs, oxygen, and gravity. These kinds of things were considered "luxuries" by his draconian stepmother and likely contributed to the boy's frequent nasty moods, which haunt His Lordship even today. Early on the precocious child exhibited a proclivity for planet conquering and world domination. He patiently bided his time until one day he spontaneously quit his paper route and ran away from home to become a pirate, joining the regional space academy the very next day, at age 32.
The rest, of course, is history. After falling in with the "bad crowd" and experimenting with the dark side, the determined wanna-be warlord would now let nothing stop him. Lacking only in basic academic credentials, technical skills, and leadership abilities, Lord Buckethead relocated to the less competitive Planet Woop where hard work and briefcases of small unmarked bills paid off. His Lordship worked his way through the ranks, finally becoming the Imperial Commander of the Woopian Space Fleet. And then, within a year, came his proudest moment, when he scored a regional magazine cover as The Sexiest Evil Overlord in the Known Universe.
Much to his repeated frustration, Lord Buckethead was consistently overlooked by all the A-list federations of evil, always being unfairly upstaged and outshone by the so-called "star" warlords with their vastly bigger budgets. Though His Lordship bitterly maintained that landing the cushy top positions was not about evil prowess but who you know, promotion eluded him.
One of his missions, which he hoped would finally put him on the map, found him on the trail of good Princess Serina of Clabbergon 5. She had recently intercepted and stolen radio transmissions meant for Lord Buckethead, then fled from Woop to plan the demise of the Dark Forces. His Lordship and a small crew of Gremloids, minimum-wage mercenaries as utterly terrifying as they are tall, launched a hot pursuit and, in no time, found themselves off-course, arguing, apparently lost in space. But, at their hot-tempered Commander's insistence, they landed on the approaching planet, a mostly-blue orb referred to by its indigenous beings as "Earth," and continued their pursuit of the Princess across the rural American county. The search was ruthless; Lord Buckethead's memo in fact specifically mentioned "no ruth." After several frustrating encounters with the local North Carolinians, Lord Buckethead and his Gremloids found their spacecraft surrounded by Prof. William Hopper of the Bureau for Research of Astral Phenomena and as many heavily-armed U.S. troops as were available that weekend due to the Women's Auxiliary parade in Mount Pilot. The formidable battle grew ugly that hot summer of Earth year 1984, ultimately leaving Lord Buckethead defeated, stranded alone, in-hiding on this hostile planet.
Having learned the hard way, His Lordship had an epiphany, that the best way for him to take over this planet was not by physical force but by a peaceful, unexpected political overthrow. His narrow escape, and subsequent stow-away aboard a random transatlantic ship among its cargo of rubbish bins bound for Liverpool, led him serendipitously to Great Britain. Here, over the course of a couple of Earth years, Lord Buckethead carefully plotted brilliant, evil political schemes for world domination, but found himself completely distracted by his frustrated desire to show the hopeless Earthlings the proper way to run a planet. The public listened and responded with frighteningly enthusiastic support, yet in every election campaign that he ran in, he failed to unseat any of the sitting Prime Ministers. Actually, he did tip an unsuspecting Gordon Brown out of his chair once, but Parliament ruled against the legality of this Act of Usurpation, 322 to 306.
Between elections the semi-reformed Dark Lord lived in the shadows and was forced to swallow his pride to support himself, taking on humiliating part-time jobs appearing at children's birthday parties as an "Intergalactic Space Lord" (little did the little bastards know). It was in the early '90s, at the suggestion of an inebriated taxi driver, that he started his own business and found his true calling. Being both an experienced lawbreaker and a fancy cape owner, Fate led him inevitably to an ironic, yet lucrative career as a crimefighting masked-avenger. Now celebrating over three decades of kicking arse and taking names, notable clients of this modern-day Space Soldier of Fortune have included the likes of MI6, the CIA, and KFC. Bad Guys, Beware. All Hail Lord Buckethead!
Lord Bartholomew Ignatius Buckethead, Jnr., III
ALIAS / ALSO KNOWN AS:
The Dark Lord
The Black Hole or Old Pork 'n' Beans (don't ask)
Can drive a stick.
ARCH RIVAL / NEMESIS:
Capt. Lafayette Starfighter, Space Sheriff of The 82 Moons of Saturn
256 lbs. incl. loose change
PLACE OF ORIGIN:
Planet Woop, 1.2 light-years from Earth, hard left at Wormhole XS9
Anakin Murray's Space Academy, nulla cum laude
FIRST APPEARANCE ON EARTH:
Crash landing, Cleveland County, North Carolina, USA, Summer 1984
BASE OF OPERATIONS:
Secret Evil Lair, the sewers below Westminster, London
Winter & Holiday Secret Evil Lair, Club Med Nassau, Bahamas
COMMONLY HEARD SPOKEN IN HIS LORDSHIP'S PRESENCE:
"Pray have mercy on us, my Liege."
"I, for one, welcome our new Bucketheaded Overlord."
"Never fails, every time I go to the movie, right in front of me!"
Estranged Wife, bombshell, Lady Valentina [Buckethead], née DiGazombas
Daughter, late teens, Lady Parker "Perky" Buckethead
Pet, saber-toothed Tribboodle (Tribble/Poodle mix), "Armageddon"